It's a natural human tendency to 'react' to a given situation. When things go well, we're happy. When things don't go so well, we get upset, stressed, even depressed. And when things go well, then badly, then well again, we go on a wild roller coaster ride from happy to sad to happy again. This is unhealthy, destructive behavior. It's detrimental both to individuals and to the people around them.
When people react to a situation, in a way, they are giving up their free will. They are relinquishing the right to control their feelings and actions, giving external events that power instead. The conscious, rational being goes slack, and they become a passenger in their own life. When a person gets upset over even something as minor as a missed bus or a burnt dish, they are ceding control over their feelings to that event instead of consciously choosing how to respond. They become passive observers, allowing events to affect them instead of the other way around.
Nobody likes to be upset. Nobody wakes up in the morning and looks forward to being stressed. But events transpire and 'cause' us to get upset. We can't help it, we say. 'It's just so upsetting.' 'It' may indeed be upsetting, but who said that property of 'being upsetting' has to affect you? You did, when you let go of your emotions and surrendered the reins to this 'upsetting' situation.
Taking back control of your feelings is easier said than done. But look at it this way. You know that feeling you get when you've finally decided to diet and someone puts a huge chocolate souffle with hot fudge and vanilla ice cream right in front of you - and you don't eat it? It feels good, doesn't it? You feel in control. That's because you are. You didn't let the situation, ie: your hunger or your love of chocolate souffles, determine your response. You, the conscious, rational being, decided not to eat it.
Controlling your emotions is remarkably similar to controlling your eating habits. Try to equate 'becoming upset' with 'eating an entire tub of ice cream.' Your boss just yelled at you. You're about to get upset. But wait, you're on a diet. It takes effort but you CAN say no to that chocolate covered 'upset.' And just like that, you're back behind the wheel. At the end of the day, we can't control what happens to us. But we can control how we respond.
When people react to a situation, in a way, they are giving up their free will. They are relinquishing the right to control their feelings and actions, giving external events that power instead. The conscious, rational being goes slack, and they become a passenger in their own life. When a person gets upset over even something as minor as a missed bus or a burnt dish, they are ceding control over their feelings to that event instead of consciously choosing how to respond. They become passive observers, allowing events to affect them instead of the other way around.
Nobody likes to be upset. Nobody wakes up in the morning and looks forward to being stressed. But events transpire and 'cause' us to get upset. We can't help it, we say. 'It's just so upsetting.' 'It' may indeed be upsetting, but who said that property of 'being upsetting' has to affect you? You did, when you let go of your emotions and surrendered the reins to this 'upsetting' situation.
Taking back control of your feelings is easier said than done. But look at it this way. You know that feeling you get when you've finally decided to diet and someone puts a huge chocolate souffle with hot fudge and vanilla ice cream right in front of you - and you don't eat it? It feels good, doesn't it? You feel in control. That's because you are. You didn't let the situation, ie: your hunger or your love of chocolate souffles, determine your response. You, the conscious, rational being, decided not to eat it.
Controlling your emotions is remarkably similar to controlling your eating habits. Try to equate 'becoming upset' with 'eating an entire tub of ice cream.' Your boss just yelled at you. You're about to get upset. But wait, you're on a diet. It takes effort but you CAN say no to that chocolate covered 'upset.' And just like that, you're back behind the wheel. At the end of the day, we can't control what happens to us. But we can control how we respond.
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4 comments:
True, but so so hard. You can push away a cake but you really have to work to change your feelings. Additionally, with your diet mashal, most of the time the idea "Out of sight, out of mind," applies. Once the cake is in front of you, it's not such an issue. Emotions, however, you have to walk around with all day.
I'm not so convinced. I feel like controlling your emotions is equal to keeping them locked inside, which will eventually cause you to self - combust! Sometimes you just have to let yourself feel and express the emotions, I don't see it as letting the situation control you, rather as getting it all out of your system and moving on. On the other hand, one should definitely not hold onto something for too long. For example, you missed your bus - super frustrating - and you can be frustrated/annoyed for a little bit. You're gonna be late, maybe miss something important, you're gonna have to wait for longer in the rain/cold/heat, etc etc. Text a friend. Blast music. Kick a wall. Do whatever it is you do to relieve stress and frustration but don't let it ruin your whole day. By not feeling that frustration for even a little bit you may think that you aren't letting your emotions control you but I think you're just not being honest with yourself. It does bother you (even just a little bit), if you don't express it right then, it will build up until something becomes the final straw....
I hear that. But letting your emotions have free reign can really be harmful. If you're upset or angry, acknowledge that your upset or anrgy, try to do something about it, but don't let it cause you to lash out. You can feel the emotions all you want- the point is to not let them control your actions. Don't let them cause you to do something you shouldn't do.
Agreed. and agreed that its hard to do. I think it's important to prepare in advance what your reactions will be because especially when you're angry (but I guess in any emotional situation) you're irrational and not thinking straight. I remember learning about it in hs...
Side point, when I read posts like this, I wonder what happened to make you write it :-)
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